On Unassuming Bluffs infinite Mosaic of Colors Trinity,
Dance on,
On,
on Prancer, promenade
on my freed Sea of the Broken stained See
saunterly break Leaves
I lay
Whisper Breathe
Create
Symphony in Saffron Beams translucent Satin Keys
through Willowing Living Doors Dead
Entreat,
not while Aye Him but She
be Thou
yet less or more moreover This and Thee,
none ever cease, did
only Form
varied likeness
still fully given former He,
what matter Seems
our Senses Magically
Uniquely Am Antiquity
Still Are Presently
differ none Gracefully, of in Portrait find
Maestro
Painter
Bee
equally,
on Rhythmic Feet We likewise conversely Me
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
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3 comments:
the earthy soul speaks a symphony of feelings in 4/4 time. i like this style a whole lot man. at the same time i wonder the different meanings i know that's what makes it bad ass. don't quit.
as a critic and a reader the first rule must always be an admission of never fully understanding. there's nothing that says good writing is ever easy to follow (it just as frequently is not), and i like the natural movement of this poem that seems to carry the reader through it, almost forcefully, without fully understanding every point, creating meaning rapidly, forcefully, but somehow very tangibly, almost grittily (if you follow me). though there are occasionally words that seem to fall out of place (such as "Magically" (ln. 22), a word that is almost never a go ahead in good writing because of the brutal abuses it has received in bad writing) they just as often seem justified by their surroundings (as in "Antiquity" (ln. 23), which is, incidentally, also something of a risk to use).
all in all, and though a reader maybe could pick at it for meaning with complaint, the work has an unmistakable momentum, and that makes it something very nice, indeed.
less academically: i like its movement, and that that movement seems to rapidly create meaning, and build upon meaning. don't know how it's done, but there it is.
no average reader these days has enough sense of metre to tell anyone anything about what they've written---and this is not a comment on what justina has said (which is simple, to the point, and correct enough) but what the average collegiate poetry student all too frequently attempts to say out their ass. don't pay any attention to it. metre is for effecting feeling, and feeling is present. keep working from that.
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