abstract reality

I identify with this painting (weeping willow by Monet) right now, or at least, I want to identify with it. its abstract yet vivid reality seems to be more like a real beauty than any I can seem to grasp around me as of late. There is a blending of pain and peace and dark and light in the color; it reminds me simultaneously of weeping brokenness and the lifted weight and calm that follows.
Whatever it is, it's in the family of abstract, like a dream I realize I'm in but which, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get a hold of its reality or wake myself from.
This is how I feel of the way of life that's surrounding me, reality as defined by society at large. I have been realizing how different God's society, His nation, His way of life and economy that comes with it, really is. I am beginning to see with new eyes, with a new heart, the kingdoms of this world in contrast to God's new life and the life that this world says is available just doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like life. It feels like layers between people and real life; like a thick coating. I am seeing the lies that have so proliferated through this world that made us believe certain inevitabilities, certain evils functioning that is because it's "just the way things are." The difference of the two kingdoms (of this world and God's) comes to mind like that of a elaborate fat clown suit vs. the naked skinny man underneath; I feel as though I've been being fed cake and being told this is as nutritious as it gets. The more I have tried to come into the presence of God lately the more vivid the layering and coating over my life, me way of thinking and functioning has become.
I newly realize that God is not just trying to make people better; He is not just trying to change the nations of this world, but rather his nation is an completely different/new way; new way of thinking, new way of functioning and relating and defining. Many of us grasp that jesUSAves isn't entirely a healthy understand, but I am realizing that to be God's people, God's kingdom, is so much more otherly, sanctified (set apart for one thing).
His is a economy set apart from that which we've grown up knowing. He is the king who is creator and sustainer of all things. He gave food to his nation from the sky daily and to teach them who created food and who they could rely on he made whatever was stored for the next day rot. He is the God that feed thousands of people with only a little breed and fish; the God who tells us 'do not worry about your life. I feed and clothe and sustain the birds and grass and you are more valuable to me than they.' He is The God who who raises from the dead and promises to give good gifts and protect those who follow Him. In Him all things are possible and true freedom is found.
How can there be any lack of abundance and all that we need with this God who creates every morsel of food?
The more I try to pursue these realities of who God is in my life the more I see this to completely transform how I view economy and the way society functions, and this is only the tip of the iceberg of all of the scripture pointing toward a whole new politics and new economy of the kingdom of God ('blessed are the poor,' 'the last will be first and the first will be last,' 'give to everyone who asks you,' 'lend to your enemies without expecting anything back,' 'do not repay evil with evil,' etc, etc).
If God is who he says He is...
I want to know God in this way; I want to break through the layers to a life I can't even imagine yet through the lies of this world. I thirst, I ache.